The 4th grade class led worship at chapel today. They started out by reading the verse below & then singing a song that relates (Praying for Sunny Days by Hyper Static Union).
Matthew 8:24-26
24Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. 25The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!" 26He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.
As I sat in my chair, watching them with smiles, I looked down and read in my own head the verses... and again I read it... each time the phrase "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!" jumping off the page more and more. With a hard gulp, I began to think about why. I had a wave of emotion... what is that, I thought?! I don't even feel like I'm going through a storm in my life... I'm happy! I’ll be back in the US soon, my class is doing so well, I'm saving money to get settled when I get home, I'm going to have the awesome privilege of travelling to several places this summer & visiting friends and family all over the country, my parents are coming here, all the way to Africa, to visit me in 2.5 weeks, I get to take a vacation with them here in Ghana and see part of the country that I haven't been able to yet... what in the world is this emotion?! Certainly not anger... yet it isn’t happiness either. I recognized it as just what the verse is talking about fairly quickly... fear. I have been afraid.
I have been praying, and asking others to pray with me, that I would clearly see God's will for my next step in life (where to go to grad school), seeking the answer to that question the best I know how. But I have silently been afraid. I have been afraid of the answer to the very question I was asking, I have been afraid of admitting to myself what my true desires are, where I feel in my heart I want to be, and not only where I want to be, but where I feel God is calling me to be. I have been afraid to talk to certain people about it, for fear that they will be disappointed in my choice, that they will think me unwise or ungrateful. I've realized also that I was actually afraid all along. I was guarding my heart against rejection from the program by saying I didn't know where I wanted to go, when deep down inside, my heart had already been whispering its desires for some time.
2 Timothy 1:7
7For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
My fear wasn't one that posed an immediate, life-or-death threat, but I was still saying to God "Save me! I'm going to drown!"... and now I think back to other times in my life when I didn't say it, but I pleaded, begged, yelled and screamed it to Him... How often we do this!!! Get caught up in some fear, and forget that not only that God has not given us a timid/fearful spirit, but one of POWER, love, and self-discipline; but also that HE IS RIGHT THERE WITH US. He is not just nearby, He is IN THE BOAT WITH US... all the disciples had to do was go and ask, and he calmed the storm immediately... but not without the reminder "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Why are we so afraid?! We place such little faith in the fact that our God is mighty to save, and yet he still steps in, and calms the storms when we finally do call out to Him.
Matthew 17:20
20 I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, “Move from here to there” and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.
Zephaniah 3:16-17
16 On that day they will say to Jerusalem,
"Do not fear, O Zion;
do not let your hands hang limp.
17 The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."
My God is mighty to save... He delights in me, and quiets me, and rejoices over ME with singing... WOW!! Music speaks to my soul, and when the Holy Spirit moves in me, it often comes through music, just like today, as I had all of these thoughts during the song that the 4th graders sang.
My kindergarteners helped me write the following… kind of… how awesome are they!!
I’m afraid when lightning comes to shake
Nightmares roar and it’s hard to take
Sometimes I’m scared the big dogs will bite
And it gets so hard to see the light
I feel the water rising
It’s all around
Lord, please save me
I’m going to drown
The answer comes, loud and clear
Your faith so small, it got you here.
This fear you hold is not of me
But of the one who wants you to be
Timid and small; but do not fall.To you I give power, boldness and love
I’ll be here to hold your head above
In God I will trust, I will not be afraid
For my God is mighty, mighty to save
Matthew 8:24-26
24Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. 25The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!" 26He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.
As I sat in my chair, watching them with smiles, I looked down and read in my own head the verses... and again I read it... each time the phrase "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!" jumping off the page more and more. With a hard gulp, I began to think about why. I had a wave of emotion... what is that, I thought?! I don't even feel like I'm going through a storm in my life... I'm happy! I’ll be back in the US soon, my class is doing so well, I'm saving money to get settled when I get home, I'm going to have the awesome privilege of travelling to several places this summer & visiting friends and family all over the country, my parents are coming here, all the way to Africa, to visit me in 2.5 weeks, I get to take a vacation with them here in Ghana and see part of the country that I haven't been able to yet... what in the world is this emotion?! Certainly not anger... yet it isn’t happiness either. I recognized it as just what the verse is talking about fairly quickly... fear. I have been afraid.
I have been praying, and asking others to pray with me, that I would clearly see God's will for my next step in life (where to go to grad school), seeking the answer to that question the best I know how. But I have silently been afraid. I have been afraid of the answer to the very question I was asking, I have been afraid of admitting to myself what my true desires are, where I feel in my heart I want to be, and not only where I want to be, but where I feel God is calling me to be. I have been afraid to talk to certain people about it, for fear that they will be disappointed in my choice, that they will think me unwise or ungrateful. I've realized also that I was actually afraid all along. I was guarding my heart against rejection from the program by saying I didn't know where I wanted to go, when deep down inside, my heart had already been whispering its desires for some time.
2 Timothy 1:7
7For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
My fear wasn't one that posed an immediate, life-or-death threat, but I was still saying to God "Save me! I'm going to drown!"... and now I think back to other times in my life when I didn't say it, but I pleaded, begged, yelled and screamed it to Him... How often we do this!!! Get caught up in some fear, and forget that not only that God has not given us a timid/fearful spirit, but one of POWER, love, and self-discipline; but also that HE IS RIGHT THERE WITH US. He is not just nearby, He is IN THE BOAT WITH US... all the disciples had to do was go and ask, and he calmed the storm immediately... but not without the reminder "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Why are we so afraid?! We place such little faith in the fact that our God is mighty to save, and yet he still steps in, and calms the storms when we finally do call out to Him.
Matthew 17:20
20 I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, “Move from here to there” and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.
Zephaniah 3:16-17
16 On that day they will say to Jerusalem,
"Do not fear, O Zion;
do not let your hands hang limp.
17 The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."
My God is mighty to save... He delights in me, and quiets me, and rejoices over ME with singing... WOW!! Music speaks to my soul, and when the Holy Spirit moves in me, it often comes through music, just like today, as I had all of these thoughts during the song that the 4th graders sang.
My kindergarteners helped me write the following… kind of… how awesome are they!!
I’m afraid when lightning comes to shake
Nightmares roar and it’s hard to take
Sometimes I’m scared the big dogs will bite
And it gets so hard to see the light
I feel the water rising
It’s all around
Lord, please save me
I’m going to drown
The answer comes, loud and clear
Your faith so small, it got you here.
This fear you hold is not of me
But of the one who wants you to be
Timid and small; but do not fall.To you I give power, boldness and love
I’ll be here to hold your head above
In God I will trust, I will not be afraid
For my God is mighty, mighty to save
3 comments:
I love you.
Yeah.
that made me cry :-) I'm so glad to have "sisters" walking and growing in the same faith. Love ya.
this was such a good post, that fear thing is real, I needed to read that, thanks.
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